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<p>The male cockatiel has a brown/tan sere above their beak. Without
a lot of embarrassment for bird and holder, it's the only way to
tell. Oh, and females will lay eggs. Usually but not always, males
are more vocal. <br>
</p>
<p>I've raised cockatiels. I put them in their cage when a limo full
of Microsofties brought pizza to my home lab one lunchtime. The
only one they didn't like was the product manager, who of course,
was the most aggressive. <br>
</p>
<p>They can be taught to poop in the cage. This lasts about two
weeks. Ask me how I know.</p>
<p>Great story.</p>
<p>Tom</p>
<p><br>
</p>
<br>
<div class="moz-cite-prefix">On 10/10/2018 12:59 PM, Brian Santo
wrote:<br>
</div>
<blockquote type="cite"
cite="mid:CAHw=HpyC2S+mZhjHMNZmxYsUkm0G8ehf1monCG+_-ptN_X5uYw@mail.gmail.com">
<div dir="ltr">
<div>I'm moderating a webinar. <br>
</div>
<div>And let's back up a year. My spouse decides she wants a
cockatiel. I don't care what animal she gets as long as she
takes care of it. Of course, I end up taking care of it -- I'm
home all day. The things are social and as long as he's
sitting on my shoulder Life Is Great For The Cockatiel. Week 1
of owning this bird nearly every shirt I own has bird poop on
the right shoulder. Why? Because he is unhappy on my left
shoulder. Week 2? Michael Jackson had his sequined glove,
Taylor Swift has those shorts-thingies, and I have a rag over
my right shoulder. It has become a part of my identity. <br>
</div>
<div>So. A year later. Webinar. Tunneling in cable modem
termination systems or proactive maintenance on the DOCSIS 3.0
platform or something -- let me know and I'll send you the
link. And I want to stress this -- this is far from either my
or the bird's first webinar. We are, at this point, webinar
veterans. Fifteen minutes into this particular webinar,
however, the cockatiel, hanging out on top of his cage, for no
reason goes from 1 to 11 on the Agitation Meter. Or maybe it's
a she -- I really don't care. Anyway, "Tweet! Tweet!" says the
cockatiel. "Tweet! Tweet!" <br>
</div>
<div>Normally, what calms down the bird is the opportunity to
poop on my shoulder. So I hold out a finger as a perch, which
thus far in Our Life Together has only meant but one thing --
"next stop: right shoulder." </div>
<div>A message pops up in the Webinar Chat Window. It's from the
sound engineer with the webinar hosting company. It says "Does
anyone else hear a bird?" <br>
</div>
<div>It's cool, though.I have my finger in position. I got this.
<br>
</div>
<div>The bird cocks its head, hops and takes flight, soars over
my finger and starts doing circles around the room, screeching
"TWEET! TWEET!" <br>
</div>
<div>I am confused. The finger has always worked before. I stand
up, helpfully displaying my finger to the crazed cockatiel,
whose name is Pluma. Pluma wants none of it. "TWEET TWEET
TWEET!" He's flying like it's Independence Day and he's Dennis
Quaid's unhinged little brother trying to make a virtue of his
unhingedness in the last major motion picture he'll ever be
hired for. <br>
</div>
<div>A message pops up in the Webinar Chat Window. It's from the
guy with the webinar hosting company. It says "Brian, we have
the bird isolated on your mike."</div>
<div>I scream -- in my head mind you, only in my head -- "I
FUCKING KNOW!" This is an accurate, word-for-word quote, which
you can attribute to the source. <br>
</div>
<div>After another 30 seconds of screeching tweets and frantic
flapping, the situation,
for reasons known only to the cockatiel, de-escalates. He
alights on top of his cage -- or maybe it's a she, I don't
really care -- and goes all quiet contemplation on me, like a
Zen Master demonstrating Cosmic Stillness. <br>
</div>
<div><br>
</div>
<div>I have told this story to a hundred people. Every single
one of them asked, "Why didn't you just put your microphone on
mute?"</div>
<div>For the hundredth-and-oneth time: because I'm an idiot. <br>
</div>
<div><br>
</div>
<div><br>
</div>
</div>
<br>
<div class="gmail_quote">
<div dir="ltr">On Wed, Oct 10, 2018 at 9:13 AM Tim Walker <<a
href="mailto:tewalkerjr@gmail.com" moz-do-not-send="true">tewalkerjr@gmail.com</a>>
wrote:<br>
</div>
<blockquote class="gmail_quote">
<div dir="ltr">These are great, Tom — thanks.</div>
<br>
<div class="gmail_quote">
<div dir="ltr">On Wed, Oct 10, 2018 at 10:38 AM Tom
Henderson <<a href="mailto:thenderson@extremelabs.com"
target="_blank" moz-do-not-send="true">thenderson@extremelabs.com</a>>
wrote:<br>
</div>
<blockquote class="gmail_quote">
<div>
<p>From my ugly conf call memories:</p>
<p>1) PR and Company CEO think they're on mute or
haven't heard my entrance tone. PR company is in the
midst of a long diss of the publication I'm
representing, calling out chapter and verse for each
of their top staff. Epithets and expletives abound.
CEO is digesting the background. Oh, you heard about X
from Y pub? Five minute story about taking two journos
on a drunken #MeToo experience. Said he caught a case
of something. PR person snickers. I clear my throat.
You'd have thought a completely different pair of
individuals were subsequently on this call.</p>
<p>2) Had a nine-person conf call. CEO/founder, VP
marketing, product manager, geeks from Israel and
India on speakerphones, PR person desperately trying
to manage the call, and a product engineer.
Fortunately, they knew how to use mute controls. The
rest: Total mayhem, with mayhem slides, then the app
demo that switched back and forth between machines,
and nothing worked at all, period, for the entire
wasted hour. Nine sheepish goodbyes.<br>
</p>
<p>3) We have a conf call to tell a product manager that
his stuff actually doesn't work, and why. This is
impossible for him to believe, so we switch into view
screen mode. He watches the problems with his own
eyes. He yells, "FU A$$holes" and terminates the call.
An hour later, a request from the VP to do a conf
call. Rinse repeat the demo from our side.
"Hooooolleeeeeeyyyy F" is his response. Next morning,
another and final conf call, final because we don't
get paid to teach vendors their mistakes. It's the
coder. I fixed it, he says. A week later, we've
checked it. Nope, not fixed, smoking crater with
scents of sulfur. They were bought by a certain three
letter company two weeks later for almost a billion
dollars.</p>
<p>4) Product manager in Israel does a skype conf call.
Very late in the day for him. He didn't realize his
cam was on. Naked, of course. Very hairy guy.
Eventually, he realizes this and the screen goes
blank, but not the audio. I hear a scramble while he's
talking. Call is cut short. Oddly and perhaps for the
same reason, he leaves the company not long after.<br>
</p>
<p><br>
</p>
<p>Tom</p>
<p><br>
</p>
<br>
<div
class="m_6527207566737123737m_7912125362260105033moz-cite-prefix">On
10/10/2018 10:11 AM, Tom Geller wrote:<br>
</div>
<blockquote type="cite">Funny you should ask this,
because <a href="http://Cracked.com" target="_blank"
moz-do-not-send="true">Cracked.com</a> had a
somewhat-related listicle yesterday:
<div><br>
</div>
<div><a
href="http://www.cracked.com/pictofacts-1104-21-hilariously-cringeworthy-moments-from-live-tv-shows/"
target="_blank" moz-do-not-send="true">http://www.cracked.com/pictofacts-1104-21-hilariously-cringeworthy-moments-from-live-tv-shows/</a></div>
<div><br>
</div>
<div>It includes the famous "baby running into the
room" conference call (#19)<br>
<div>
<div dir="auto"><br>
</div>
<div dir="auto">#21 had me rolling on the floor.</div>
<div dir="auto"><br
class="m_6527207566737123737m_7912125362260105033Apple-interchange-newline">
---<br>
Tom Geller * Writer & Video/journalist
* <a href="http://tomgeller.com"
target="_blank" moz-do-not-send="true">http://tomgeller.com</a><br>
Rotterdam, The Netherlands, +31 (0)6
87071468<br>
Oberlin, Ohio * +1-415-317-1805</div>
<div dir="auto"><br>
</div>
<div dir="auto"><br>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<br>
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</blockquote>
<br>
<pre class="m_6527207566737123737m_7912125362260105033moz-signature" cols="72">--
Tom Henderson
ExtremeLabs, Inc.
+1 317 250 4646
Twitter: @extremelabs
Skype: extremelabsinc</pre>
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<pre class="moz-signature" cols="72">--
Tom Henderson
ExtremeLabs, Inc.
+1 317 250 4646
Twitter: @extremelabs
Skype: extremelabsinc</pre>
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